Changing times

Wow.... 

 I haven't done so good at not living in fear. 

 I haven't done so good at seeding my heart with love or joy..

 I really don't have any big time heartache,

 but I do have bits of heartache that really tear me apart.

Children-

Pure pleasure~Pure sorrow

The day they came in to the world- Pleasure

The day they tell you they hate you- Sorrow
Hearing  the words I hate you & I want to leave you - Anger
Letting go and hoping you didn't just make the wrong decision- Heartache

My Lovely Pearls 

These three beautiful pearls of my mine are the treasures that I hold so close to my heart everyday of my life. I hope someday they realize how much I loved them and cherish their hearts and how I set them free to be who they were called to be.  

fear

Fear can take your life by storm and can paralyze you with doubt, anger, or hatred. It makes the future look bleak. It makes past choices choke you of all desire for a bright future.  Fear can make the present moment feel scary. Fear can take you away from the present moment and can stop you from believing in the any kind of hope for the future.  It steals your soul of this present  moment.  Today, I choose to stay out of the prison of the fear of the unknown. I choose to live in the joy of a great  future.  I choose to look at the beauty of every moment as a chance to grow into joy and hope of a bright future. I want to seed  the soul of my heart with joy, hope, and love and watch it grow into something beautiful.  

HoPe FlOaTs

I'm holding on to so many dreams and I feel like if I let them go I will never get to see them come true. I don't know if the dreams I have are right...You know when you think you know what you want, but then later it looks different then what you thought. I don't have regrets... I just have longings that I don't want to forget about because my day gets overwhelmed by agendas, the schedules of others, and day to day life. Do you ever wonder if the passion you once had will come up again? Or is this it? I know it's not, but the "what if's" start to annoy my mind!!! I get lost in them sometimes. I should BREATHE the voice inside my head says, but I panic... I can't let go... but I need to let go. If I stop and breathe maybe I can see that everything is unfolding just as it should. So here's to letting go of the dreams and I pray that they lose their grip over my heart.. and that they fly again.

Life is Given and Taken Away

Quickly it happened and then the questions start... Why would I be given a treasure and then have it taken away without even knowing. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye when it was happening?  I don't feel like I can find words or the emotions to cope with all that life is bringing my way. Why does God give you things and take them away? Or why do you think you will have something great and nothing happens at all.  I trust in you is all I can say. I don't understand, but I stand in the unknown and say it is well with my soul.  I trust your deeds are good and fair. You know what I treasure and you hold my needs in your hands. Hold me through the questions, sadness and hurt. Hold me and whisper the words my soul longs to hear. Tightly you hold all my fears, softly you comfort me and tell me you are near. I take these treasures and place all of them in your care. I let go of all the notions that you are not here. Wrap and gently rock me in your arms... I trust in you my friend.

Jacob -September 26,2011 > Luv u- Mom

Holding On

Words fill the pages of a life I gave to you
I don't understand the changes or the things I'm going through
As I listen to their laughter and listen to the tears
It cuts me to pieces but I must have no fear
 
I will hold on to hope
Hold on to healing
I will hold on to the hands that help me through

Alone with you that's what I need
Please take this pain away so I can breathe
Help me be strong and let me feel safe
Oh how I need you in this place
 
I will  hold on to hope
Holding on to healing
I will hold on to the hands that help me through

I'm looking for the answers
I'm looking for a change
I'm looking for the light in all this pain
I hear you calling in the distance I can feel the change
I know if I listen everything will be okay

I will hold on to hope
Hold on to healing
I will hold on to the hands that help me through

The Calling of the Night

The dark night of the soul is tiring and sweet. The night awakes the desires of the things that hold your heart captive and it gives you safety at the same time. You know in the darkest places their is still a light shining in the midst of the pain, confusion, longing, and tears.  Its the cry of your heart that produces the pleasure of life.  Its the beauty that fills your soul that makes you complete and whole. Its in the journey that you find your true beauty,  your soul is calling you into a deeper awaking of the heart. Though the journey is hard it is sweet and rich. I take with me a desire to go deeper into the dark forest and be guided by the light.  To find a piece of my missing soul and embrace the journey all over again.

Moments of Awakening

I am trying to get to the place of being present in each moment. I live in stress each moment wondering if I can pay this bill or if I can finish all my projects I have laid out in my head. The thoughts in my head are always racing of what to do or how to plan so I won't get hurt. It’s like a 3 ring circus in my mind. Moments get lost in thoughts and movements of my heart get pushed aside. I begin to wonder if I can control any movement of my heart or mind.  I am going to try to stop and take a deep breathe and think of only of the moment before me. Instead of looking at the future every waking moment of each day, I want to start in today and not question why or how or when this or that will happen.  If I took today and loved those in front of me and used all my energy to stop the thoughts pounding inside of me maybe then I'd have a moment to breathe, so the here's to this moment. Cheers!